Marriage Archives - A Legacy In Days

How to make time for your marriage in busy seasons

NatC — Tue, 17 Jan 2023 06:00:00 +0000

My husband and I have been married 20 years and have 9 children, so we've experienced a lot of busy seasons! Pregnancy, post-partum, the newborn stage, the toddler years, homeschooling, just to name a few. Basically we've pretty much never NOT had a busy season! However, I think most parents face the challenge of feeling too busy to nurture relationships, even our most important one, our marriage. Some seasons are truly busier than others, but even just the regular bustle of life can lead to us pushing our spouses down the to do list. That is why I'm so excited to share with you some ways we have learned how to make time for your marriage in busy seasons.

I know you're here for the tips, so let's get right into it!

Make time for your marriage by scheduling it

I know, this doesn't sound sexy. Planning time to connect or even "connect" feels lame, but it can be the maker or breaker of actually TAKING the time. Sometimes this is as simple as keeping a similar schedule. Getting up around the same time and going to bed together. How to make time for your marriage in a busy season? Schedule it. As the saying goes, fail to plan, plan to fail.

Early in our marriage this was a struggle as I was an early bird and my husband a night owl.When I tried to keep to his schedule and my own, I just became a sleep deprived pigeon! Up early with babies, and up late with him. Sure, we were together more, but I was crabby too. That doesn't make it easy to connect. Heheh. We had to work together to find a compromising balance. I started sleeping in a bit more when I could and taking naps during the afternoon. Over, the years as his jobs changed, it was necessary for him to get up earlier and so he was tired when I was. Now we try to get up early enough to have time together in the mornings.

Conversely, if your schedules just can't align, find a time that DOES work and stick to it. Yes, it will always be easier to let other things creep in and fill that time, but if you treat it like an appointment with the most important person in your life- you can do it! Put a movie on for the kids, or make them a special treat to enjoy while you spend at least 15 minutes, phone free, in conversation. Trust me on this one! 15 minutes can make ALL the difference.

Do what needs to be done- together

Whether this is a chore you can do together or even something as simple as making dinner together, errands, folding clothes, or putting kids to bed with prayers, take time to do it together. In busy seasons it’s easy to rush around passing responsibilities and kids back and forth to each other without any meaningful connecting. Instead, make time to do something together that needs to be done. There are times to “divide & conquer” but it doesn’t need to be all the time. Is there something new you could try out together? A recipe? A small project or diy?

Bonding happens over working through a challenge together. Ever seen a chic flic that doesn't have this theme? Didn't think so. It's because it is a true story! A challenge that is overcome together can be a unifying thing, so stop dreading those projects and just roll up your sleeves and get to work. Tackle that landscaping, storage declutter, or garage clean out you've been avoiding and enjoy the added benefit to your marriage, too!

Stop making excuses, make plans instead

Oftentimes what gets in the way is getting caught in the all or nothing mentality. We don’t have a trusted babysitter for weekly date night, so we never take one. We can’t afford a getaway, so we never try something new. But you can begin to budget money for babysitters while you do a little research to find one.

Another ideas is to make a plan to take a short road trip to another town or even a hotel in your own town together and save up for it. It’s so special to get out of the same four walls together, but it doesn’t have to mean a trip to Paris. Next up is our top 7 date night ideas when you have a tight budget or no babysitter.

Get creative with dates

With 9 children we've had to get creative over the years with how we can make time for a date. Sometimes there is more money in the budget for a nice dinner, and sometimes nada. So, in case you find yourself in a similar situation here is a list of a few of our favorite things to do together when when the budget is tight or we don't have a sitter.

Read a book or the Bible together when the kids have gone to bed- wine optional.
Print off a couple's questionnaire or ask each other questions from this book for an opportunity to learn some new meaningful or funny trivia about each other together.

Make the kids Mac n'cheese or something cheap and fun, then put a movie on for them while you make something a little fancier together for yourselves.
If your kids are little, take a drive to (hopefully) get a little extra chat time if they fall asleep. Having a destination in mind is fun, but not necessary.
Play a game you both enjoy together. Even games you would normally play with your kids that are fun, play it together instead and laugh and be silly!
After the kiddos are tucked in, tell each other one special or funny memory from when you were a child, or ask each other a question about your goals or hopes for the future.
Take a walk somewhere beautiful alone if you can, or with littles in tow- yummy drink allowed, phones not!

The marriage relationship is a gift from the Lord and will grow in fruitfulness as we tend it. So, take the time friends, and put in the extra effort needed to cultivate your relationship with your spouse even when times are stressful or busy! I can assure you, you will be glad you did and reap the fruits of it for years to come.

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How to make time for your marriage in busy seasons

How to make time for your marriage in busy seasons in review

Make time for your marriage by scheduling it
Do what needs to be done together instead
Stop making excuses, make plans instead
Get creative with date nights

I hope these tips gave you some insight into ways you can connect even when seasons are very busy or just normal busy! Chime in! What are some of the ways you make time for each other in your relationship?

Thanks for being here today, friend!

In His Service,

The post How to make time for your marriage in busy seasons appeared first on A Legacy In Days.

4 simple ways to reconnect with your spouse

NatC — Tue, 11 Oct 2022 06:30:00 +0000

There are many reasons we can loose connection in marriage. With the sleepless nights of infancy, to the overflowing schedules of older children, our marriage can easily get pushed to the back burner. Small unconfessed sin can build up walls between us. Without intention and cultivation, little miscommunications and frustrations can quickly lead to feeling like we're in a a mutual partnership rather than the loving unified relationship God intended. Disunity and disconnect are draining. It can affect how we parent and even how we feel about life in general. That's why I'm excited to share with you today 4 simple ways to reconnect with your spouse. These tips are simple but powerful, and some you may not know about yet. These tips can not only rebuild intimacy, but maintain it in your marriage, as well.

The marriage relationship is meant to be the foundational relationship, after the one we have with the Lord. Putting some effort into maintaining closeness and unity will be much less exhausting than the drain and depression disconnect brings- ask me how I know It doesn't have to take a weekend away or even lots of hard conversations! Small daily habits can turn the ship around, so to speak, and likely prepare the setting better for those conversations in the future.

I know you're here for the tips, so let's get right into it!

Tip 1#: Focus on what you want to see grow

No matter where you're at- you can spend time thinking about the things you admire and love about your spouse. There are a myriad of things you love about your spouse- remember YOU chose them! Yet those things become harder to notice the more we are focusing on the things that annoy or frustrate us.

However, if we focus on what frustrates us about our spouse, we'll be sure to find plenty! If we focus on their annoying traits, it sure doesn't make them less annoying to us! It's easier to focus on the negative- but you can CHOOSE the positive! You can look for the things you love and admire about your spouse. You'll find those, too! Looking for what your admire and love about them will help you see them more and more and it will begin to crowd out those bothersome things.

The choice is ours. We can choose to look for and focus on the postive things in our relationship or the negative. Spoiler alert: We usually reap more of the one we choose!

The choice is ours. We can choose to look for and focus on the positive things in our relationship or the negative.
Spoiler alert: We usually reap more of the one we choose!
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Bonus tip: Text or tell them immediately when you think of something!

Tip #2: Look in each others eyes when you’re speaking or listening.

In other words, don't be looking down at your phone if the other one is talking! Seriously though, we can easily get distracted in the busyness of life that we miss these small significant opportunities for connection!

Even just having little kids around can be so distracting we can begin to just kinda yell at each other from across the room when we want to communicate something. Eye connection communicates so many positive things to the other person. They can feel heard, appreciated, understood, loved- just by looking directly at them when they speak. Who doesn't want more of that in their marriage?

Eye connection communicates so many positive things to the other person. They can feel heard, appreciated, understood, loved- just by looking directly at them when they speak.
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Don't miss the opportunities to stare deeply into your spouse's eyes! Remember, how you used to do that for hours early in your dating relationship? That's because it is a very intimate bonding thing you can do while keeping your clothes on!

Bonus tips! Remember to keep a nice expression or smile on your face while you are looking at them.

Tip #3: Minimum 2 second kiss

This tip just takes a moment more to do, and yet we shy away from it because the "kids are watching", or we have "stuff to do" or whatever. Let the kid's see! They want to know Mom and Dad love each other!

A quick smack is fine, but when that becomes the norm we are missing another awesome chance to share intimacy throughout the day.

How often do we actually get to kiss each other in the chaos of parenting and life? Is an extra 2 seconds really that hard?

How often do we actually get to kiss each other in the chaos of parenting and life? Is an extra 2 seconds really that hard?

Those 2 seconds can make all the difference to reignite the intimacy we desire in our relationships! 2 seconds, friends! That's it. Just take that time to linger a bit and you can come back and thank me later.

Bonus tip: Look in each other's eyes at the same time!

Tip #4: Be interested in your spouse's interests

This tip takes more time, but has big pay off. When you show interest in your spouse's interests, it shows interest in them as a person. They feel seen and accepted as who they are.

Think about how you parent your children- not that you should treat your spouse as a child- but that you likely know how important it is to show your love to your children by being interested in them and their lives. We still desire to be known. This doesn't just "go away" when we become adults! Ultimately this stems from and is fulfilled in our relationship with our Savior, but we can show this kind of love to each other as well.

When you show interest in your spouse's interests, it shows interest in who they are as a person.
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You can begin by just asking questions about their hobbies and participate in whatever way you can. In our relationship, I know a lot about vehicle repairs, and my husband knows way more about home birth than the average guy! Hehe

You don't have to do everything together. Just taking some time enjoying what the other one enjoys with them will build connection and unity. Oftentimes, as we seek to do this with our spouse, they easily begin to desire to reciprocate. Or maybe your spouse is already good at this, but your are the one that hasn't reciprocated. Here's your reminder!

Bonus tip: when you're feeling left out of participating in something your spouse is doing that you either can't, or don't care to join them in- take the opposite approach and take them their favorite drink and give them a kiss on the cheek. NOW who will they be thinking about? You.

They more than likely will want to come back and connect more with you later on a deeper level. Instead of building up resentment and walls between you, you can actually use the opportunity to BUILD more connection.

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Let's review:

Focus on the positive
Look each other in the eye when listening and speaking
Kiss for longer than 2 seconds
Be interested in your spouse's interests

I hope these tips gave you some insight into ways you can build and maintain connection and intimacy in your marriage today. Chime in! What are some of the ways you keep that little spark glowing in your relationship?

Thanks for being here today, friend!

In His Service,

The post 4 simple ways to reconnect with your spouse appeared first on A Legacy In Days.