There are many reasons we can loose connection in marriage. With the sleepless nights of infancy, to the overflowing schedules of older children, our marriage can easily get pushed to the back burner. Small unconfessed sin can build up walls between us. Without intention and cultivation, little miscommunications and frustrations can quickly lead to feeling like we’re in a a mutual partnership rather than the loving unified relationship God intended. Disunity and disconnect are draining. It can affect how we parent and even how we feel about life in general. That’s why I’m excited to share with you today 4 simple ways to reconnect with your spouse. These tips are simple but powerful, and some you may not know about yet. These tips can not only rebuild intimacy, but maintain it in your marriage, as well.
The marriage relationship is meant to be the foundational relationship, after the one we have with the Lord. Putting some effort into maintaining closeness and unity will be much less exhausting than the drain and depression disconnect brings- ask me how I know 😉 It doesn’t have to take a weekend away or even lots of hard conversations! Small daily habits can turn the ship around, so to speak, and likely prepare the setting better for those conversations in the future.
I know you’re here for the tips, so let’s get right into it!
Tip 1#: Focus on what you want to see grow
No matter where you’re at- you can spend time thinking about the things you admire and love about your spouse. There are a myriad of things you love about your spouse- remember YOU chose them! Yet those things become harder to notice the more we are focusing on the things that annoy or frustrate us.
However, if we focus on what frustrates us about our spouse, we’ll be sure to find plenty! If we focus on their annoying traits, it sure doesn’t make them less annoying to us! It’s easier to focus on the negative- but you can CHOOSE the positive! You can look for the things you love and admire about your spouse. You’ll find those, too! Looking for what your admire and love about them will help you see them more and more and it will begin to crowd out those bothersome things.
The choice is ours. We can choose to look for and focus on the postive things in our relationship or the negative. Spoiler alert: We usually reap more of the one we choose! 😉
Bonus tip: Text or tell them immediately when you think of something!
Tip #2: Look in each others eyes when you’re speaking or listening.
In other words, don’t be looking down at your phone if the other one is talking! 😉 Seriously though, we can easily get distracted in the busyness of life that we miss these small significant opportunities for connection!
Even just having little kids around can be so distracting we can begin to just kinda yell at each other from across the room when we want to communicate something. Eye connection communicates so many positive things to the other person. They can feel heard, appreciated, understood, loved- just by looking directly at them when they speak. Who doesn’t want more of that in their marriage?
Don’t miss the opportunities to stare deeply into your spouse’s eyes! Remember, how you used to do that for hours early in your dating relationship? That’s because it is a very intimate bonding thing you can do while keeping your clothes on! 😉
Bonus tips! Remember to keep a nice expression or smile on your face while you are looking at them. 😉
Tip #3: Minimum 2 second kiss
This tip just takes a moment more to do, and yet we shy away from it because the “kids are watching”, or we have “stuff to do” or whatever. Let the kid’s see! They want to know Mom and Dad love each other!
A quick smack is fine, but when that becomes the norm we are missing another awesome chance to share intimacy throughout the day.
How often do we actually get to kiss each other in the chaos of parenting and life? Is an extra 2 seconds really that hard?
Those 2 seconds can make all the difference to reignite the intimacy we desire in our relationships! 2 seconds, friends! That’s it. Just take that time to linger a bit and you can come back and thank me later.
Bonus tip: Look in each other’s eyes at the same time!
Tip #4: Be interested in your spouse’s interests
This tip takes more time, but has big pay off. When you show interest in your spouse’s interests, it shows interest in them as a person. They feel seen and accepted as who they are.
Think about how you parent your children- not that you should treat your spouse as a child- but that you likely know how important it is to show your love to your children by being interested in them and their lives. We still desire to be known. This doesn’t just “go away” when we become adults! Ultimately this stems from and is fulfilled in our relationship with our Savior, but we can show this kind of love to each other as well.
You can begin by just asking questions about their hobbies and participate in whatever way you can. In our relationship, I know a lot about vehicle repairs, and my husband knows way more about home birth than the average guy! Hehe
You don’t have to do everything together. Just taking some time enjoying what the other one enjoys with them will build connection and unity. Oftentimes, as we seek to do this with our spouse, they easily begin to desire to reciprocate. Or maybe your spouse is already good at this, but your are the one that hasn’t reciprocated. Here’s your reminder!
Bonus tip: when you’re feeling left out of participating in something your spouse is doing that you either can’t, or don’t care to join them in- take the opposite approach and take them their favorite drink and give them a kiss on the cheek. NOW who will they be thinking about? You.
They more than likely will want to come back and connect more with you later on a deeper level. Instead of building up resentment and walls between you, you can actually use the opportunity to BUILD more connection.
Pin to Save & Share 4 simple ways to reconnect with your spouse!
- Focus on the positive
- Look each other in the eye when listening and speaking
- Kiss for longer than 2 seconds
- Be interested in your spouse’s interests
I hope these tips gave you some insight into ways you can build and maintain connection and intimacy in your marriage today. Chime in! What are some of the ways you keep that little spark glowing in your relationship?
Thanks for being here today, friend!
In His Service,